6th Most Favorite Thing About the State Fair of Texas: First Timers

Over the years, I’ve developed a group of ACE Fair friends — the ones who will bravely sample weird new foods with me, the ones who would never look at me askance if I were to eat an entire corny dog, Jack’s Frys and a Tornado Tater within 15 minutes, the ones who understand the overall coolness of the Creative Arts competitions, the Butter Sculpture, and Handwriting Analysis, the ones who, basically, make my hours (and days) at the Fair as wonderful as they are. This is my go-to gang for Fair fun, and hitting the place with them is terrific because of the wonderfully efficient shorthand that exists between us.

We are like a military strike team that’s been together for years: Explanations are not required. Talking is often not required. A subtle movement of the eye, a particular half-grin, and an almost imperceptible lift of the eyebrow means, “Hello, my friend, Tres. I’m about to take you DOWN in this here Glue-A-Shoe Competition. I will have ULTIMATE bragging rights for an entire year and you will have nothing but your wounded pride to keep you warm. Get ready for an embarrassing spanking, pal! And hey, afterward, let’s share a cinnamon roll.”

Here are Fair Friends Tres and Sharon, who is wearing that shirt in honor of Glue-A-Shoe day in the Creative Arts Building. Tres and I absolutely spoke each other’s State Fair Unspoken Language, especially when it came to our Glue-A-Shoe competitive streaks and binge eating. The Fair hasn’t really been quite the same without him.

As easy as military-like precision this makes things, I must tell you that it is one of my great joys in life to introduce people to the State Fair of Texas. And this could be anyone — even someone who has attended for years. I know that sounds strange, but I have to say that I had visited the Fair for probably 25 years before I was PROPERLY introduced. I simply had no idea how wonderful the place could be until Ann, Sharon & Gary, Valerie, Tres, Jeff & Jack (pictured with me in the Swine Arena, at the top of this post), Dan & David, Alonso, Julie Heather, and Suzanne & Lisa SHOWED me. They imparted to me the beauty of a perfectly-spun Tornado Tater, the spotlessness and just-cleaned smell of what used to be the Charmin Ladies Room in the Tower Building, the hilarious fun of the Handwriting Analysis, the animal hijinks of the Goat in Costume Contest and the Petting Zoo, the scrumptiousness of a warm Tower Building cinnamon roll, and the difference between fresh grease on Opening Day and not-fresh grease later on in the Fair. These are not lessons I could have learned on my own, and they have exponentially enhanced my enjoyment of the Fair.

Such great knowledge must, of course, be shared.

Taking first-timers to the Fair is honestly a pleasure. Watching people react to the weird, wonderful, resplendent excess is endlessly amusing to me.

Most first-timers enter the Fair with a large helping of skepticism. They’ve most likely listened to me hype the all of the Fair’s many treasures for weeks on end, and they are world-weary and cynical. “Nothing could be THAT good,” they think. “No place on earth exists that could truly live up to such outlandish descriptions — she is obviously on heavy medication and hallucinating.”

Oh, but rapture abounds when the skeptics’ eyes grow dinner-plate wide as they survey Fair Park. Cynicism withers away with the first bites of cinnamon roll, corny dog, tornado tater, and fried snickers. At some point, you just have to give in and let the Fair take you. Because take you it will.

My very FAVORITE first-timer experience was with the lovely Nikki, who has contributed many a fine photo to this little project of mine (she is pictured with me here). A few things you should know about Nikki — she is a Yankee (both geographically and fan of the baseball team), a New Yorker at heart, and one of the most brilliant, hilarious, and fun people I’ve ever met. We first encountered each other at grad school in Austin. She was working though some heavy Texas culture-shock, and I came to consider myself (in some important instances) a willing guide to the good things about the great state of my birth.

Nikki listened to me testify at length, ad nauseum, about the Fair. And she was dubious for sure. Just picture a smart, tough New Yorker listening to someone try to explain a place where goats wear clothes, celebrities are sculpted out of butter, people win prizes for gluing stuff to old shoes, all the good food is fried until it’s unrecognizable, pretty much anything can happen (including shooting a person out of a cannon and goats riding on turtles’ backs), and the goal for the day is to see how much you can eat without making yourself too sick.

Fortunately for me, Nikki realized that some serious research needed to be done on this phenomenon. So she accompanied me on Opening Day 2005, and I don’t think she’s looked back since her first luscious bite of cinnamon roll. She was with me almost bite-for-bite for the entire day, with no apologies. And that, my friends, made her a truly perfect Fair companion.

While she was still in school in Austin, Nikki would trek to Dallas at least once during the run of the Fair each year. Some years, she even brought other newbies to introduce to the magic. Standing here with Butter Marilyn is Brett, another one of our grad school friends. Note the rather dazed expression on his face. I’m pretty sure we’d arrived on the fairgrounds less than 30 minutes before this photo was taken, and I think he was still in shock.

Bottom line is this, folks: the only thing better than the Fair itself is imparting my Fair wisdom to others.  I’m currently compiling a list of people who are in dire need of assistance, who are either brand-new to the Fair or shockingly unconvinced as to its many marvels.

You know who you are. I’m here to help.

Top two photos taken by my camera.

Bottom two photos taken by Nikki’s camera.

~ by nf1014 on September 20, 2009.