7th Favorite Thing About the 2009 State Fair of Texas: Getting Schooled (Part I: Rides and Games)
Elsewhere, I’ve discussed the great old school rides at the State Fair of Texas and the appeal they still hold. I’ll come clean, though, and tell you that my Fair visits in recent (adult) years have consisted of little more than short trips from one food vendor to another, punctuated by infrequent pauses for contests in the Creative Arts Building, close encounters with baby animals, or similar short stomach resting periods.
I have certainly not had occasion to go near many of the Midway rides, and you never would have caught me stopping to take advantage of the many, many games of chance. (Though I would certainly LIKE to spend the day hauling around an enormous stuffed animal prize, I must admit that I possess none of the skills necessary to win at these things.)
Until last Sunday. Up to that point, I THOUGHT I knew how to put together a top-shelf Fair visit, including pretty much anything that anyone would ever want to enjoy there. But I was wrong, folks, and I have now seen the error in my ways.
On Sunday morning, I got to visit the Fair with my friends Carly, Courtney, Camille, Charlotte, Rebecca, and Talle, who were kind enough to patiently show me a thing or two that I’d been missing as I blindly bee-lined from fried food to fried food.
Here is a photo of this wonderful group of educators, The Professors of Fun:
Do not let their short stature fool you — this crew is a well-oiled machine when it comes to enjoying the rides and games at the Fair. With military-like precision, they tore up and down the Midway, picking ONLY the BEST things to do. I think their size actually helps them in this regard — not only are they quick and wily, but they they are also able to see things from their vantage point that I had a tendency to miss.
In all, folks, I received an education, and I think it’s only fair to pass along my new knowledge to all of you. So, ladies and gentlemen, I give you
The State Fair of Texas, Kid-Style:
One awesome thing about being a kid at the Fair is the fact that when you get excited about the general terrific-ness of the entire affair and start jumping up and down because you can’t contain yourself, like so…
…it’s no cause for general alarm. It’s acceptable. Even appropriate. Especially if you’ve just been told you’re getting to take yet another trip on the Log Ride.
You say you’ve got a Midway ride that requires some odd body-positioning in order to have fun? I’ll tell you right now that most adults would be squarely in the “Out” category on such a contraption. Not kids.
“So we’ll be laying down, caged in, holding on to bars above our heads?” No problem.
I thought I knew everything there was to know about the Tower Building — where to find the best cinnamon rolls in the world, the fact that the building sells the cheapest beer at the Fair, the location of the cleanest bathroom at the Fair, and exactly how many Frito Pies it takes to make a stomach to feel not-quite-right (if you’re not sharing, the answer is 1). The Professors of Fun showed me an entirely new feature, pictured here:
Yep, an old-school photo booth. Takes me back to junior high, braces, and badly-permed hair. Next time I visit the Fair, I think I will hop in there for some self-portraits with my cinnamon roll. Who knows — if the photos come out well, perhaps some Christmas Cards will be in the offing?
There is, on the Midway, a game that requires exactly as much game-playing skill as I happen to have (which is zero). I have walked past this game perhaps four or five times since the State Fair opened this year, and I missed it every time until The Professors of Fun showed it to me:
This is the game of Pick a Duck — Any Duck — And Win A Prize. I actually made that name up all by myself. I have absolutely no idea what this game is called, but I do know this: no matter how inept you may happen to be at games of skill (or, really, life in general), it is almost impossible to screw this up. You pick up a duck, check the bottom to find out your prize, and then choose what you want. It’s awesome. Indeed, at this booth, there are
During a usual Fair visit, my compatriots and I have consumed so many goodies that trying out any ride that goes fast in circles is tricky, to say the least. In some cases, it’s just flat-out inadvisable. Watching the Professors of Fun ride the Love Bug, however, I remembered just how much I used to LOVE making myself into a State Fair Centrifugal Force Experiment:
Horseback riding? Check. The Professors of Fun do not shy away from large animals. Some of them are actually accomplished equestrians, and by this I mean riders of real, flesh-and-blood horses that do NOT have poles protruding out of their backs.
No fear here.
My Tour of Rides and Games with The Professors of Fun concluded with the LARGEST SLIDE IN THE WORLD! Well, maybe not the whole world. Maybe just Texas… or Dallas. But it is BIG (and loads of fun, from what I can gather here):
This may be the end of the post, but it’s not the end of my eduction (we never stop learning, you know). The Professors of Fun had much more to teach me, and I promise to impart ALL of their lessons to you.
Part II: Cotton Candy is next. Hold on to your taste buds.
